I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
