I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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