in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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