dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
