What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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