Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
