Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
50% drunk capacity currently
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
