I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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