this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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