Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Found the puke drawer
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
