Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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