it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
