Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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