soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
