You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
