I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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