Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
