I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
