it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
