you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
