There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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