just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
