My hand turned me down
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
