He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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