toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
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Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Help. Why am I so naked?
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