Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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