marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
