I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
