I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
