I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
