I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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