just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
