One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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