if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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