She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As shirtless as possible
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
