Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
