don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
