How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You need Xanax blowdarts
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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