No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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