I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i believe in u and ur pee
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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