my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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