He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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