That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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