Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
