I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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