Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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