I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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