he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
