So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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