ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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