i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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