Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
