Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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