If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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