Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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