This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
COCAINE IS GR8
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