He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
