I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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