my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
