Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm really busy with my period
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