Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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