$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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