tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
