Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
