you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
