Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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