ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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