At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
