i think my mom watched the whole time
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
