take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
