Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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